Here we are!
Jane the Virgin is back! Ah, I'm so flipping excited! Seeing how this is a recap, there will be spoilers. All over. With that out of the way, let's not waste any more time and dive right in:
So after a fairly long season one recap from our beautiful narrator, we dive right in. Except we don't dive. I was lying. It wouldn't be
Jane the Virgin without a flashback of a moment from Jane's childhood to tie into the rest of the episode. We start with young Jane being told by Alba that the
telenovela they are watching, after a particularly bad cliffhanger, is going to end with things resolved. The writers are well aware of the mental state of the fans, aren't they?
There's a cheesy
telenovela theme song involved, and that's great and all, but we're dying to get back to real life Jane who just had her baby kidnapped from her, hours after giving birth. When we do get back to Jane, she's not aware of what's happened and merrily laughs with Rafael over cute pictures of their baby.
At the same time, Michael sits in a bar and has the drinking buddy cliche "my situation is worse than your situation" when he tells a guy sitting next to him that his ex-fiancee was accidentally artificially inseminated.
But then Michael gets the call. The call from Sin
Rosetro (Rose loves her play on words) that reveals where Mateo is and what she wants if they are to get him back; a dragonfly pendant she left with Luisa. Meanwhile at the hospital, Mateo's absence is noticed, and cue the explosion.
I have been waiting for this moment ever since the season finale last May. The acting in this is just...beautiful. I wasn't expecting anything less. Jane is first confused as Rafael barks at hospital people, but then things start dawning on her when Michael calls and she says, "What is
happening?" Because seriously, what is happening? After everything Jane has been through to just be with Mateo, mere hours after birth, he is taken from her. And she just breaks down. It was beautifully sad. I was crying. Jane was crying. We were all crying.
But then we are on our A game because we are getting Mateo back. Michael relays the information about the dragonfly pin, and despite being a cop who should be telling his boss about the activity of the drug lord they've been after, he doesn't report the incident and decides he must fly solo on this.
But he's not really flying solo. Rafael is coming, and Jane...who has just given birth. But giving birth isn't going to stop a protagonist like Jane.
Rather comically, she hobbles her way out of the hospital into the car where she fusses over the amount of minutes she has left until Mateo needs to nurse again. Upon discovering Michael does not have the dragonfly pin, they rush to Luisa at the hotel who apparently does but who is also an emotional wreck.
Because upon searching for the pin in Rose's box of old stuff she keeps, Juicy, Luisa's girlfriend, discovers her. Juicy becomes enraged and throws the stuff out the window in a rage and leaves in that same rage. Our crew looks out the window to find all the stuff scattered in a nearby pool (thank goodness it wasn't an ocean view). They rush to the pool where Rafael and Michael jump in and search frantically.
But hobbling Jane is the one to find the pin in the drain, and the search continues. Meanwhile, Rogelio, Alba, and Xiomara sit anxiously back at the house. A very
telenovela-y scene happens when Alba dramatically says a prayer and Michael walks into a church to make the trade for Mateo. And gasp! It's Nadine holding the baby!
She tells Michael what exactly the butterfly pin is. There's a chip inside that details all of the face changes Sin Rostro made to all of her contacts. She thinks that may change his mind. But nay! Michael is a golden heart Gryffindor and takes back Mateo! Even though I am team Rafael, this entire thing gave lots of brownie points to Michael and I am slowly but surely learning to accept him. I have decided I am like 20% team Michael. What can I say?
The beautiful family is then reunited, Jane calling "Run!" to Rafael
when she sees Michael emerging from the church. She hops her way out as
well, sputtering tears and "mommy's-got-yous." Rafael even hugs Michael.
And then our narrator reminds us that this won't last. Like we didn't
know that. Why you gotta do us like that, narrator? Why?
Anyway, we go back to the doctor's where they check the baby out, and sure enough, he's all right. They weigh him and soon discover he's lost weight since being born, not uncommon. But Jane of course freaks out. Her milk just isn't in yet. After a nursing vs. bottle debate, Rafael loses brownie points (seriously, "well, I am the father" is a comeback. You are not getting Jane back that way, get your act together!)
Jane decides to take another lactation class to aid in nursing while Michael talks to his cop boss about the Mateo incident, of course leaving out certain details. His cop/boss, however, suspects something more is up, and Michael furiously leaves, though it's obvious something more was up. We get back to Petra and the stolen sperm soon enough, drunkenly awakening after a night debating what to do with it. She even made a pro/con list about why she should or shouldn't inseminate herself.
I am getting so done with Petra about now. Unfreezing Rafael's sperm the first time last season was bad enough, and they were
married. I'm not in the mood for this plot line. Everything else in the
Jane the Virgin world I have never questioned. I've gotten angry about situations, but it was out of, 'yes, I like this conflict'. This has crossed a line, I feel. But whatever. I'm not the writers. I still love everything else, but just ugh. Rant over.
Rafael tells Petra she needs to get herself together for a meeting with bankers or something and doesn't notice the sperm laying on the table. Petra slyly slides it into a bag, still debating what to do with it. We go back to Jane, now at her house, trying to get some sleep after nursing, but is awakened by the paparazzi at her door.
We soon find out Rogelio had re-tweeted the amber alert when Mateo went missing, and news spread from there when people googled and found out Jane was a virgin. Rafael fights past paparazzi to get in the house and take Jane to her lactation class. Rogelio, celebrity that he is, gets them out and we cut to the class. While Jane gets the help she needs, Rafael and Micheal talk out in the parking lot.
But they really do talk. Rafael asks for advice about how to get a word in with the Villanueva women. Michael, the entire time, can not conceal his dislike for Rafael, but eventually gives him the advice he needs. Meanwhile, at the meeting with the bankers Petra and Luisa must attend, Luisa cries over the fact that Juicy left her. In front of the bankers. Aggravated, Petra sends Luisa away and looks for the bag she kept the sperm in. But we soon discover assistant Scott put it in Rafael's pent house believing it was a baby gift. Dare I hope it's out of her hands?
Jane becomes frustrated with the paparazzi (which includes some singing monks), while Petra frantically searches inside the penthouse. We cut to a flashback of pregnant Petra days, and her and Rafael are discovering the baby's sex by biting into a cupcake (blue inside boy, pink girl). While, yes, the scene is cute, this Petra maybe being good is getting on my nerves. I'm so done with her.
She finds the sperm, rushes out, only to run into Rafael in the hallway and scream. She covers up her freak out by saying she was trying to tell him about Luisa crying during the meeting and scurries off. Rafael calls Luisa and they fight for like two seconds (but these two seconds have like major impact, more on this later). But then we get back to the Villanueva house where Michael and Rogelio are continuing their bromance.
Rogelio feels guilty for tweeting and bringing the paparazzi to Jane, but Michael consoles him. We cut to Jane nursing Mateo, still with no success in the milk department, and then finally letting what could have happened to Mateo sink in (remember the kidnapping). She has it in her head that if she can just nurse Mateo right, she'll stop feeling guilty about the whole thing, so Xiomara and Alba help in any way they can (including stuffing Jane's boob inside Mateo's mouth like a hamburger).
When they still struggle, Rafael suggest Mateo's cluster feeding (a discovery he made partly with the help of Michael), which suggests Jane's milk is coming in. This leads to bonding with Jane, and Michael looking on with evil eyes in the background.
The older crowd goes to change Rogelio's diaper, leaving the love triangle alone. (Side rant: I know Michael helped save Mateo and all, and he still loves Jane, but staying over and hovering when you are the ex is a bit awkward, tbh Michael.) Michael is just about to leave when Rafael thanks him for the advice earlier, and Jane hears. Jane and Rafael discuss ideas about Rafael staying for the night (and more nights), leaving a still seething Michael at the door.
But then Michael finds a picture someone tweeted of Jane with Mateo (confirming the paparazzi stalking) and she goes out to confront them. She tells the head nun outside she never was a virgin (lies) and suggests they shuffle on out, but then we look down and discover Jane is leaking milk. She rejoices rather frantically, then heads inside with a smiling Rafael...
...and then we cut to Petra. All good things cannot last. She is drinking again, when Luisa walks in and suggests having a makeup meeting with the bankers, but Petra confesses to hearing her and Rafael talking bad about her. Luisa, determined to make it up to her brother and manipulate Petra into selling out, tells her she misunderstood and probably has a chance with him. (This is some seriously convoluted mind control right here.)
But, here we are again. With Luisa ultimately being the catalyst for another one of Rafael's children to enter the world, because Petra decides if Rafael has feelings for her, she will inseminate herself. With a turkey baster.
But then assistant Scott reveals he knows Petra had the sperm sample all along. Still doesn't help what she already did. Ugh. I can't deal with a Petra kid right now. But, concentrating on the good. We go back to the doctor's and discover Mateo has gained back weight. With the good news and things calmed down, Xiomara reveals to her family she married Rogelio in Vegas. Which prompts laughter.
We then cut to Jane texting Michael and then meeting him outside her house. Fine Michael, whatever. I'll deal. But my ship is being torn apart and that hurts, so if you care about my feels at all, stahp.
Finally we return back to the house where Rafael is staying over and proceeds to take his shirt off. He claims it's so he can hold the baby with skin to skin contact (apparently good for bonding, I don't know, baby stuff) but DANG. Beauty and grace and asdfsdjfkljlkjlf
Jane admits things are a little weird, but for me that's ok, because Rafael is shirtless. We are led to believe the episode is going to end there, but then we cut to a red headed lady in the mountains looking at a picture of Jane on a laptop, speaking some foreign language. Thanks to captions we know she said, "Let's go after her. Now."
It wouldn't be
Jane the Virgin without that
telenovela flair. What did you think of this week's episode? Was it a worthwhile season premiere? Come back next Wednesday for another recap of
Jane the Virgin.
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