Jane the Virgin: 2x02 "Chapter Twenty-Four" Recap

Wow, this one was a doozie. So let's not waste any time and get started!

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So after the normal recap we start with a flashback of Michael introducing all of his favorite things to Jane when they first started dating. Sci-fi books, action movies, camping. On a particular camping date, Michael carves Jane a giraffe statue to cheer her up (it's flipping hot, and bugs are eating everything), and they share a sweet moment. Cue me:

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They mention it was the grossest Jane had ever been, and then cut to present day where she is even grosser and hasn't showered in a full week. The whole family conspires to get Jane in the shower, but when she eventually concedes, she changes her mind and decides to take a nap instead.

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Fast forward to post-nap Jane and she's with the baby again, but Xiomara comes in to lay it out for her that she really needs to take a bath or do something besides stay in the house with Mateo all day. She offers going out to lunch with Michael or Rafael. She makes an offhand comment about it being like the Bachelorette every day. To prove her point, when she calls for someone to take Jane to lunch, both men come running.

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(Side rant: Michael, I realize, is a major love interest, but like...what is he doing with his job? We see Rafael leaving occasionally to work because he has to because you know, it's a job. Michael never leaves. He's always there. Whatever. I'm just hating on Michael for hating on Michael's sake.) We cut to Petra getting acupuncture to help with fertility. Scott interrupts, wanting a better position and blackmailing Petra with the sperm sample.

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Rogelio and Xiomara have their own problems to worry about. Because they skipped the Vegas show they now must perform on a cruise ship or risk being sued. Rogelio believes the entire thing is beneath him, but Xo doesn't want to get sued, so she pulls out the card that they're still married. If he gets sued, she gets sued. And she's like:

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Meanwhile, Jane, Rafael, and Michael are all out eating lunch with Mateo. The tension is just too much for Jane so she escapes to the bathroom where lo and behold, Fantasy Bachelorette Jane appears! (Side note: My guilty pleasure is the Bachelor franchise, so this entire bit that kept running through the show was my fav.) Fantasy Jane urges her to choose between both men, but Jane still needs time. Fantasy Jane disappears when Jane thinks she sees someone who looks like Rose. It isn't her, of course, but when she faces the boys again Michael admits that Rose could have changed her face and they probably don't know what she looks like now. This makes Jane question the identity of every person in the restaurant.

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Jane comes back to the house where Xo and Abuela confront her about the Bachelorette-like situation. Xo declares herself team Michael, while Abuela declares herself team Rafael. And yes, they actually said the word 'team'. Jane hides away in her room and meets Fantasy Jane again. She tells her she hasn't had time to think about who she is going to choose.

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They discuss pros and cons, then the neighbors pipe up with their incredibly loud music. Jane decides to go over with baby Mateo to see if maybe they could keep it down. Then we meet Kesha! She's guest starring on the show as the rocker neighbor who won't keep it down, even when Jane asks nicely, because Kesha does what she wants.

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We cut to Rafael, Petra, and Luisa at work. Luisa is now trying to get into the family business and is being just a general pain to everyone. Petra tries to get that job for Scott. Rafael says he will think about it. We then go to Jane who awakens from a dream of Mateo being kidnapped again. (Side note: I'm glad they didn't just brush over this. She is suffering from PTSD, and while it may not be as dramatic as war veterans, the trauma still affects her.) Michael is soon knocking on the door with a new security system he is happy to install (again, Michael, what's going on with work?)

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Michael suggests the code word for the security system be Giraffe (hence, the giraffe statue from earlier). We flashback to the camping date, and while they are trying to get to sleep Jane confesses to Michael about Abuela being undocumented. She is worried about that, with him being a cop and all. Michael is very gentlemanly about it and says it doesn't bother him and he wouldn't do anything, so it's no problem.

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Fantasy Jane reappears in present day and asks how Michael would fit into Jane's life now. Jane decides to ask Michael himself, and for the first time they really talk about what went wrong with their relationship and how they would fix it. I may have rolled my eyes at the date flashbacks, but the 20% of me that is team Michael was like, ok, he's getting his stuff together. The other 80% that is team Rafael was like...

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We cut to the hotel where Lochlan has reappeared (haven't seen him in a while) and Luisa thinks his name is Rick. They discuss some business stuff about the views of the hotel, I don't know, but basically Lochlan will help the crew if they let him out of his contract with a bonus. I'm kind of done with Lochlan. All this hotel stuff just is...meh.

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Back to Michael and Jane. Michael is just finishing setting up the security system, and when he steps down the ladder flecks of the ceiling come off like snow. If you recall their first kiss, that's exactly how it happened. Michael is about to kiss her, the moment is there, but Jane steps away and says Michael should leave.

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Fantasy Jane scolds real Jane, but Jane defends herself and says she hasn't had a one-on-one with Rafael yet. (This Bachelorette stuff is killing me, I was snickering the whole time.) Back to Xo and Ro's problems; on the cruise ship, Rogelio is upset he has to perform dinner theater and tries to storm off, only to discover the ship has already sailed off due to a time misunderstanding.

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The ship will not turn around, so of course Rogelio throws a hissy fit. Finally, Xo shuts him up by saying he needs to swallow his pride because it may be beneath him to perform, but it's not beneath her. We then cut to the hotel crew at dinner discussing Lochlan's plans. Luisa notices Petra isn't eating soft cheese or drinking wine and suspects she's pregnant, then proceeds to text Rafael this. Rafael tells Jane about the suspicions, and laughs that whoever the father is, is a poor sucker.

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While walking down the street, Fantasy Jane appears and tells her she needs to get her one-on-one with Rafael. Real Jane suggests this and says she should spend the night at Rafael's for a change. He happily agrees, but then Jane notices the amp of the neighbors and decides to steal it (very un-Jane like). We fast forward to the night in the pent house and discover Rafael has the entire place decked out with baby supplies. This is Jane's weak point, of course.

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Back on the cruise ship, Xo and Ro are performing and of course, no one is watching, until the curtains part behind them to reveal a chocolate fountain. The crowd cheers, and Rogelio believes the applause is for him. But then Xo turns around and sees the chocolate. She distracts Rogelio, and then keeps him distracted in the cabin where they uh... *cough* reunite.

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Returning to Jane and Rafael, they are in the car driving deciding where to eat. They settle on fast food which prompts conversation about Rafael's early days as a playboy, eating at fast food places after club hopping. But then he talks about how fast food can be different now, with Jane, because he really loves her. Jane gets her glow-y heart thang (which, might I add, did not happen with Michael) but decides to break the moment and say she's not ready yet. Fantasy Jane of course has to get her two cents in, but Jane does not concede.

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In the morning Jane awakens from another dream of Mateo being kidnapped, but we don't stay there for long. Rogelio and Xiomara have awakened as well and discuss their plans now that they are back together. Rogelio suggests not getting the annulment after all. Back at the hotel Rafael becomes convinced that Scott is the father of Petra's baby because of her nagging about his job upgrade. He is, of course, happy to offer Scott the promotion. Oh, Rafael.

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Anyway, we get back to Jane who finds police at her house with Abuela. Apparently they are there because of a stolen amp (I knew that would come back to bite her in the butt), but they want to see Abuela's ID. Jane calms the situation down and tells Abuela to get her ID, which doesn't exist, then tells the police officers she will return the amp. When she finds Abuela in her room crying, I lost it. Forget the Bachelorette jokes, this was the highlight of the show. As Jane comforted Abuela I just...tears. They flowed.

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So to make it up to her rude neighbors she offers to get them a gig at the hotel. Frustrated, she confronts Fantasy Jane in her room again who is saying all the Bachelor tag lines (I can really see myself with him, he's here for the right reasons, etc.) The security system goes off because Rafael didn't know it was set up, and of course since it went off, Michael comes to the rescue (he is literally just lingering around, as Rafael later points out). A confrontation ensues where she confesses to being in love with both of them. (In the promos it cut off before she said this, and I knew that's what she was going to say.) Both Rafael and Michael are hurt. But that's just how it is in the Bachelorette world.

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Later though, Jane and Abuela talk with Xo over skype. Abuela confesses she wants to seek out her green card. She's afraid of deportation, but she's willing to take the chance. Michael later calls to say Rafael was right (he made a comment earlier about Sin Rostro taking the baby because of his love for Jane). We cut to a flashback of Jane meeting Rose. Rose, helping after a particular customer is unsure of the authenticity of a wine, declaring she'd been to Switzerland herself and felt the grapes. Michael asks about the bottle of wine and apparently it helps them in the search for Rose. (I don't know, I feel like this was a logic jump. She could have been lying about being in Switzerland, but whatever.)

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Back on the cruise ship Xo tells Rogelio she still wants the annulment because she wants to take things slow. But they do want to be together, which is better than where they were before. Also, Luisa discovers something sneaky is going on with Lochlan and the geological business stuff, but just as she's about to tell Petra, the guy from the mountains quiets her with chloroform. Classic telenovela move.

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Back to Jane and Michael. Michael asks Jane who really knows her better, him or Rafael. She says him, and then Michael says she's not really in love with Rafael, she's in love with the idea of family. And now to begin my rant. I don't know how much of the fact that I'm team Rafael is factored into this, but bias aside, I think that's a really jerk move. Ex-fiancee or not, who are you tell Jane who she really loves, and why she really loves them? He wasn't there for the relationship that went on between them. So to chalk it all up to wanting a family, that's just nearsighted. The happy-go-lucky guitar music in the background didn't help either. Jane should be offended. I was offended. Maybe I'm just too passionate. Whatever. But however much Jane is projecting onto the idea of family, that's not one hundred percent of the reason she loves Rafael, at least from what I have watched and seen. Ugh.

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Anyway, later Jane shuts out Fantasy Jane from her thoughts (literally and figuratively—she locks her outside of the house). But then we cut to Lochlan telling Petra he got what he wanted because of erosion and geological stuff. Blah-blah, basically he's got the upper hand in the hotel now. But Petra can't concentrate on that because she is ready to take the pregnancy test. At the same time, with Scott gone and nobody to answer the phone, the Miami-Dade Memorial is finally able to get in touch with Rafael about the sperm sample, and the fact that they sent it off with Petra, who by the way, has confirmed that she is 100% pregnant. His moment of freak out was priceless.

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The episode ends there. Of course they have to leave us on those cliffhangers. What did you think of this week's show? It delivered for me, that's for sure. Come back next Wednesday for the next recap!