This was the kind of episode where I blink at the rolling credits, tilt my head back to look at the sky, raise my fist, and cry, "RRROOOTTTHHEENNNBBUUURRRRRG!!!!!!!" Mainly because it's the usual mixture of Stuff So Awesome I Want to Throw Confetti and My Face Is Not Big Enough to Contain My Sarcastic Palm. Hold up. You know what? This episode would be far better recapped as a series of scripted scenes. Moving on.
SCENE ONE: Polis
Clarke: [Still under
house arrest]
Lexa: Hello, Clarke,
my Clarkeness, the Clarke to my heart <3
Clarke: Go away.
Lexa: I want your
people to be my people.
Clarke: LOL.
SCENE TWO: Polis
(Still)
Lexa: I have brought
Ice Nation representatives here so we can calmly discuss why I'm better than
they are.
Ice Nation Dude: My
queen is better than u.
Lexa: Is that so?
Ice Nation Dude:
YEAH.
Lexa: I want a word
with you, over here, by this balcony, 800 stories up.
Ice Nation Dude: OK.
Lexa: [Pushes him off
the balcony and watches him fall to an untimely death] Oh dear, my hand
slipped.
Everyone: We saw that
coming.
SCENE THREE: With the
Skaikru
Plot Device - I mean,
Gina: Hey, Bellamy, I love you. I'm so lucky to be your girlfriend.
Bellamy: Yeah, we're
disgustingly cute together.
Gina: [Smooches
Bellamy]
Bellamy: [Smooches
Gina]
SCENE FOUR: Mount
Weather
Raven: Yeah, Sinclair
loves me.
Gina: Awwwww.
Sinclair: Raven,
you're doing everything wrong. Fix it.
Gina: Awkward.
Octavia: Why are
there people eating happily in the dining hall? Don't they know that like 300
people died here pretty recently?
Pike: THE MORE THE
MERRIER.
Octavia: Ick, I'm
out.
SCENE FIVE: Polis
Clarke: [Still under
house arrest] When will my life begin? [Sighs]
Roan: Hey.
Clarke: …
Roan: Here's a weapon
and a way to escape. You should use it and join my people.
Clarke: Ah, cool,
thank you.
Roan: No problem.
SCENE SIX: Mount
Weather (again)
Echo: [Is dragged out
of the woods by two Skaikru] Hey, Bellamy!
Bellamy: Hey, girl I
met that one time!
Echo: That summit
that everyone important is heading to is a TRAP.
Bellamy: I totally
trust you. Blind faith has never led me wrong before. WE'LL GO STOP IT. [Turns
to Gina] Goodbye, forever girlfriend of 5 days.
Gina: Be careful and
safe.
Bellamy: Hey. It's
me.
SCENE SEVEN: Polis
(this time with Kane and Abby)
Kane: I love the
city.
Vendor: Here, have some
mystery meat as a sign of my good friendship.
Abby: Um, no thanks.
Kane: Just eat the
meat, Abby.
Abby: You're so
right, Kane. You should be Chancellor.
Kane: You're right,
but we should let the people vote on this because we need to give Pike a chance
to be Chancellor and mess everything up.
Abby: You're so right
again, Kane. I don't know how you do it.
Indra: [Appears and
smiles]
Viewers: THE SMILING
INDRA OF GOOD FORTUNE. REWIND. I MUST SEE THIS THING TEN TIMES BEFORE I
CONTINUE.
SCENE EIGHT: Polis
Lexa: I will kill
you, tiny child who I am training.
Tiny Child: I will
kill YOU, Commander.
Lexa: Ah, so cute.
Titus Tattooicus: We have
to talk.
Lexa: This kid is
almost as good as I was. Those were the days. What did you want to talk about?
Titus Tattooicus: Life
would be so much easier if we just killed Clarke. Can we please do that?
Lexa: Sorry, I was
thinking about Clarke. What did you say?
Titus Tattooicus:
[Sighs]
SCENE NINE: Polis
Clarke: [Is still
under house arrest but with a knife this time]
Lexa: I HEARD YOU
WANTED TO SEE ME, MY SUN AND STARS, MY MOON.
Clarke: I have a
knife, but I can't kill you.
Lexa: I'm not even
going to ask where you got the knife; I'm too full of Clarke feelings. Also,
your mom is here to see you.
Abby: CLARKE. BABY.
LET ME SEE YOUR FACE.
Kane: You can see her
face later. We have politics and things to talk about.
Clarke: I have an
idea. We're going to join Lexa's nation and become the 13th Clan.
Abby: !!??????
Kane: Cool.
SCENE TEN: The
Ceremony
Clarke: [Looks rad in
an epic makeup and dress] [Bows before Lexa so everyone knows Wanheda serves
the Trikru now]
Lexa: Wonderful. And
now the Chancellor of the 13th Clan needs to get a painful brand so
everyone knows they're with me.
Abby: You deserve
this, Kane. The honor should be yours. <3
Kane: Gee, thanks.
Bellamy: I'M HERE TO
CRASH THE CEREMONY.
Everyone: !!!!!! BUT
WHY?
Bellamy: IT'S A TRAP.
ECHO SAID - wait, where did Echo go? NOOOOOOOOOO, I TRUSTED HER. WHAT IS
HAPPENING.
SCENE ELEVEN: Mount
Weather
Everyone: It would be
cool if we could get these missiles to work, but we can't find the launch
codes.
Gina: I'll go look!
Durza 2.0: [Creeps
from the shadows of Mount Weather and stabs Gina, then enters the launch codes,
which have been branded onto his arm] BTW Echo sent me.
Gina: THERE'S AN
ASSASSIN LOOSE AND WE ONLY HAVE LIKE THREE SECONDS BEFORE EVERYTHING BLOWS UP.
[Dies]
Sinclair and Raven:
[Chase the assassin out of the mountain, shoot him dead]
Mount Weather: [Blows
up]
SCENE TWELVE: Polis
Lexa: I swear fealty
to you, Clarke.
Clarke: Just what I
always wanted. Thanks.
SCENE THIRTEEN: Azgheda
Ice Queen: Thanks to Emerson, the last surviving Mountain Man, my Evil Plan was put into action by Echo, my Faithful Subject! And now to rescue my son who, though banished, I seem to care an awful lot about.
THE END
CONCERNS
This is the show's
third season, and while each season has evolved very differently, there are
commonalities found in all of them. Last season, we left Clarke in a very dark
place, which she's trying to come out of. This season, they're hinting that
it's Bellamy's turn to enter said Dark Place, and I'm extremely concerned. Why?
Because we had Bellamy's character arc begin to grow in season one, while
Clarke didn't change much until season two. Bellamy's already been in his Dark
Place, and if we take him there again, it's lazy writing - unless they do
something drastically different. The writing is very obviously taking us toward
Pike becoming Chancellor, which - while I love it, plot-wise - is extremely
predictable and could be handled better. This being said, Roan is an incredible
new character I'm very excited to see more of, and the show is at an
interesting place that still has me really looking forward to each new episode.
What did you think of
the new episode? Any predictions for the coming season?
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