Disney's Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales came out recently and, while I haven't actually seen it yet because I refuse to support it in theaters, I have heard nothing good about it. In fact, I've heard very bad things about it. While the first movie is unashamedly my favorite movie of all time, the series should have stopped after the third. But since Disney is all about capitalizing on successes (I mean, who wouldn't be?), we have five Pirates of the Caribbean movies, each with progressively lowering quality.
But even going off the concept of capitalizing on success, there are so many better options for sequels just floating out there, waiting for someone to make them happen. If I knew anything about making movies, I totally would, but alas, I do not, and thus I have to wait for others to make the live-action sequels that I need in my life. So, people who write, direct, and produce Disney movies, can we make these happen? Please?
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Princess Diaries 3
I need this movie. I have been waiting for this movie for thirteen years. Can you imagine it? Anne Hathaway and Chris Pine married with an adorable child running around as they try to train him or her to become the next ruler of Genovia with the subplot of Joe and the Queen being all classy and regal and married and totally spoiling their grandkid as John Rhys-Davies begrudgingly spoils the kid, too, because despite his grumpy exterior, who can not love the child of Anne Hathaway and Chris Pine? And maybe Charlotte can find love, too, while we're at it, and Abigail Breslin has grown up and gone on to do great things and she comes to visit because Anne Hathaway inspired her. I just. I need it.
There were actually talks about this movie being made, with the main cast returning, but it was all a tease. Any plans that might have been in effect were nixed when the director of the originals, Garry Marshall, passed away. Which is seriously a bummer. But Julie Andrews and Anne Hathaway are both on board to make another. Can someone else please take up the mantle and give us this glorious magic of a film?
Enchanted 2
Okay, so supposedly this is actually going to be made, but I refuse to get excited after the tease that was The Princess Diaries 3. It's going to be directed by Adam Shankman, whose claims to fame include Hairspray, A Walk to Remember, and The Pacifier, which doesn't sound very promising. Amy Adams is the only confirmed cast member, and the plot from IMDb is very vague:
Ten years after her happily ever after, Giselle questions her happiness, inadvertently turning the lives of those in the real world and Andalasia upside down in the process.
What I loved most about Enchanted was the witty dialogue and the self-aware characters. It was a kids' movie, but it was a legitimately funny kids' movie with quality acting and catchy songs.
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Now that all the characters have come to terms with the fact that animated Disney and NYC can mesh, what humor is left? I really don't want this to become some kind of dramatic, find-your-place kind of movie with the jokes from the original done over and over again despite the fact that they're not funny anymore. I want more originality—because that's what made the first one so great. It was different. I want more fun and witty dialogue.
But do you know what I want most from this film? I want Idina Menzel to sing. (I'm still bitter that she was in the first one, a musical, and didn't sing. Such a waste of talent.)
Sky High 2
This one, too, is supposedly happening. The director of the first is slated to return to make the second, but reportedly, it's between this and Shrek 5, and honestly, I'd rather have Shrek 5 happen first, though the Internet seems split on that front. It's unclear whether this would be a soft reboot or a legitimate sequel; judging by Hollywood's track record, it would probably be a disappointing reboot. I'd personally like it to be somewhere between the two.
I'd like all of the old characters to be there doing things, not just making cameos, even if the main focus is a new group of kids. Sadly, I've looked up the cast to see what they're up to now, and Steven Strait has gotten significantly less attractive than he was as the sexy teenage bad boy Warren Peace, which, let's be real, is the main reason I used to want this sequel. I now appreciate the humor and Kurt Russell, but Warren Peace will always hold a spot in my heart for being my first fictional crush.
High School Musical: The College Years
Four words: Zac Efron in college. I'll admit that I haven't actually seen High School Musical 2 or 3. I heard they were awful, and, well, they looked it. But I have a soft spot for the original High School Musical, mostly because watching Zac Efron in the cheesiest of cheesy teenage romances, while singing nonetheless, is hilarious and amazing.
High School Musical: The College Years would have to be completely different than the others of course, more of a Pitch Perfect tone than a typical Disney Channel Original à la Descendants. Ryan, I think, would be in his element, and Kelsey would thrive among the weird art subcultures in college. And I can just picture Zac Efron trying to do both sports and drama and having a mental breakdown, turning into a total stoner and switching his major to creative writing to get out his feelings. Something kind of like this:
Now, if you follow Disney news, you'll know that High School Musical 4 actually is happening, but as of right now, they're calling it East Meets West and the original cast will probably not be returning. This is lame. I do not want this. I want another, better cult classic that will live on for generations because they actually have legitimate actors and decided to cater to their audience.
George of the Jungle 2
I know this movie exists. But a sequel in which they replace most of the main actors is a sequel I pretend doesn't exist. To be honest, I don't even care what the plot of this is. The original cast and writing was just so fantastic, I need more. Maybe George and Ursula have a teenage son who falls in love with a city girl and wants to live in the city. Maybe an ape named Ape ends up framed for something in Vegas and George needs to find a lawyer. Maybe Betsy comes to live with them for a month and makes everything more difficult in the way that extended houseguests do.
I don't care. I just need it. With the original cast, please.
The Chronicles of Narnia: The Silver Chair
I thought, when Disney made The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe, we were in it for the long haul. All seven movies. But Disney quit after the first two, and the third was kind of a train wreck as far as adaptations go. It's been seven years since that came out, and while supposedly The Silver Chair is happening, I have very mixed feelings.
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TriStar Pictures and The Mark Gordon Company are making it, with Joe Johnston of Captain America: The First Avenger fame directing. None of the original cast will be returning, not even Liam Neeson as Aslan, which is a major mistake. There are also rumors floating around the Internet—none totally credible—that the studio has plans to strip out the faith aspect of the story, which, you know, makes Narnia what it is.
I am very wary of this movie as it exists. I want Disney to make it, and I want them to make it right. They did such a good job with The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe.
Freaky Friday 2
I'll be honest, I don't have the purest of intentions here. The main reason I want this movie is because I want to see Lindsey Lohan as a middle-aged mother with a teenage daughter who acted just like her, and Jaime Lee Curtis as a really smug grandmother. With the little boy all grown up and being the only successful one in the family.
I know that's mean. But can you imagine Lindsey Lohan married to Chad Michael Murray while they both star in a really cheesy Disney story about family? I'd die.
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